People often say to me, ‘I want to be more confident’. Little do we all know, they already are, wanting to be more confident is as vague as it gets, we often label ourselves as something, without realising we are, or are not it in several ways.
For example, you are confident within areas of your working role, within your relationship, within your parenting, in washing the dishes, in understanding a subject you like, calculating numbers or reading, playing a game or doing word-searches, crafting or building.
The thing is, you do have confidence, you just decided what was ‘good enough confidence’ and the things you felt not so good at became your reason to give yourself a label of having ‘no confidence’. This is not a true evaluation of reality but a negative bias you have bullied yourself with, you do have something that you know 100% you are good at, but you swipe it away with the generic ‘I am not confident’, your reason is because of a very few things you are not comfortable with or accomplished at, these ‘things’ then become your entirety . We label ourselves with a lie that then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of what you begin to become and it is not normally ‘confident’, but ‘afraid’.
Afraid to try new things, stand out, to be yourself, instead you become boxed in with a lie that you told yourself, and you then believed, and you then became a role. That role is full of fear, fear of showing its true self.
The thing about knowing confidence is also this, we say, we want to be confident, and we again label ‘confidence’ as something which is untrue, it is a perception we have attached to a word, which is then unattainable and something far from us, it is something other people have, or it is being a certain thing, it is something we seem to struggle to attain.
Confidence is not being liked by everyone.
Confidence is handling not being liked by everyone.
Confidence is not knowing everything.
Confidence is being open to learning anything and not being fixed in a belief.
Confidence is not being able to stand in front of a crowd and talk to everyone easily. Confidence is knowing whether that is who you are and what you want to do.
Confidence is not telling everyone everything to get accepted.
Confidence is listening and observing and feeling you do not have to fit in and be accepted.
Confidence is not becoming ‘something else’.
Confidence is being comfortable with who you are and knowing you are ‘something else’, there is only one of you.
Confidence is not about changing who you are.
Confidence is about accepting who you are, who you really are.
Confidence is not about being the centre of attention.
Confidence is about being content in a room and not feeling like you have to win it over.
Confidence is not about being the best.
Confidence is about wanting to feel at your best.
Confidence is not a competition about who looks like they are the most confident. Confidence is about only wanting to compete with and improve upon yourself, trying to be anything but this, is a waste of your time.
Confidence is not ‘one thing’.
Confidence is a state of being when competent, when certain, you are competent and certain in your abilities more times in a day than incompetent.
You have confidence, in your way, for your reasons, and in your time. You have skills, you have abilities that only you can do, in your way, and nobody else could match.
Why would you want to be anything other than you?
Confidence is about letting go of the fear that binds you into staying still and letting yourself move anyway.
There is only one you, do not waste that precious gift in forever wishing you was something/one else, believe it or not, other people are wasting their time in the same way as you, so there is your ‘in common’ place of fitting in, most people feel like this.
Everyone feels that confidence is out of reach for themselves but miraculously in reach of others. Confidence alike most feelings comes from a mindset.
You can start setting your mind today, for it has been set in this ‘I have no confidence’ mindset, which as we have discussed is NOT A TRUE REPRESENTATION OF YOUR CAPABILITIES.
When you learnt to walk as a baby, after several tries you did not decide that you would just sit down instead, sod walking that is too hard. Nope, you had more than enough confidence then, more than enough.
The only thing that changed is you learnt how to think badly of yourself, you learnt how to measure yourself against others unrealistically, you were shaped by a world that looks at the bad before the good and became a shadow of yourself.
You can always stand in the light, do what you are good at and shine.