We all look out for what we believe confidence is and who holds it. We see the person laughing loudly and joking around, or the person leading the crowd. When the most confident person in the room is the one who has the most relaxed breathing pattern, they also hold the most powerful position in the room, and if there were to be an emergency people would go to them instinctively.
Looks can be deceiving, the most confident person is quite often alone and reading in the corner of the room, happily enjoying being with themselves. Are you sure you want to be confident? Nothing is as it seems, when you say you want to be more confident, what you mean is I wish I did not care what people thought of me, so I could enjoy myself without feeling judged, this is not about confidence, it is about acceptance. When you tell yourself you are not confident then your mind and body agrees, it takes its orders and stops putting you in situations where you can be sure of your abilities, stretch yourself and grow. You become your label, you limit yourself with it.
What you actually want is to be carefree, undeterred by small talk and opinions that do not matter, because they don’t. People will always talk about you regardless, gossip is a part of life. You cannot be liked by everyone and you do not like everyone, we are not all meant to be bosom buddies, if we were there would be no meaning to real love, no value to real chemistry.
This nonsense that we should all love each other equally as one is ridiculous, we have bias, we have real everyday judgements and we have to have them. We have to assess our safety, our families safety and we prioritise our family and friends because we love them more, and we should love them more, they are ours.
Confidence is a myth that people attach to carefreeness, real confidence is serious, it is about perfecting an art, about being great at what you are good at, confidence is you being skilled at your skill.
Not caring what people thinking about you is being free, having the freedom to understand that it does not matter, or if you do think it matters, to not let it stop you doing what you want to do at that time.
I myself sometimes worry if people like me, and I know that there are some people I do not like, I certainly do not spend as much time thinking about the people I do not like, as the ones who I think do not like me. Yes many of us spend more time thinking about the people who we believe do not like us, more than the ones we do not like, you see, this situation in itself tells us we are wasting our time entirely.
If you do not like someone do you spend hours thinking about them? No, not unless it is a case of intense hatred because of personal past events that you cannot seem to let go of at this time. But, normal everyday, do they like me stuff, people are not thinking about you, they may pass a comment or two, then they move onto to talking about themselves again, you are in the clear.
We are all too narcissistic to worry about others for long enough that it will effect you, so you are allowing your imagination to run wild and do you damage that is unnecessary. So as we see, confidence really has nothing to do with other people at all.
You think when Muhammad Ali was in the ring he thought about peoples opinions of him? Caring too much about peoples opinion of you is disabling, it sensors your soul, you silence the real you in fear of not being accepted by family and friends, you become a shadow of the real you, and a hint of the roles you believe each person requires of you instead, and then you vanish.
You cannot be a confident personality, if your personality has gone. And the great irony is, when you become who you really are, people do not care if you are totally ‘on their page’ or not, because your page is shining with reality, with a genuine ‘I am’ and that, that is worth more than any fitting in for ‘confidence’.