I have read many bad reviews about Life Coaches, and even heard them in session, from people who have visited other coaches and then, even after a not so great experience, still came to me, the stories I have been told; people being asked to just join numerous dating sites or being told that they are mentally ill 😮 , shocking.
Lucky for me, and them, that the first never put them off.
However, the truth be told, I have had people visit me, and I KNOW, that they did not like me or my style, and that is a good thing, why be where you cannot grow…don’t.
I also know that many bad reviews are not just about whether a person liked the coach they saw, and more about the fact the coach has limited experience and is using a model of ‘ask as many questions as you can until the person comes to their own conclusion’. Which is a little unfair for the person joining you, you must have a wide variety of tools, strategies and skills to support the person you are working with and for.
I also have to hold my hand up there, my first year was shocking in comparison to my second, although I had many brilliant moments, I had quite a few cruddy ones where I put text book in front of empathy, and I was so eager for results that I was possibly even scary. When I chilled out a little bit and had more faith in myself, instead of feeling the pressure of being self employed, things get easier, fast.
You see, the thing is I had mainly worked in the third sector for small charities, as well as volunteered in several roles alongside being a group leader for an emotional intelligence group. My background was full of helping people, and my younger years spent in residential homes caring for the elderly or home support for younger people living independently with disabilities. My entire career had all been about doing things for people, this is my strength, my desire and my passion.
Whenever I have a goal to meet for myself, some research or something, it is never done with the same obsessive pulling as when I am working for someone else.
I naturally fell into coaching, however I do feel many people who coach have limited experience being around others in an entirely loving role, because we all blurt out the word ’empathy’ like it is going out of fashion, but the truth is, we fall in love with people when our only goal is to ensure their happiness. I fall in love with my clients because my role is a nurturing one. In the third sector we are all about standards and guidelines that ensure we never get too involved, but you can care without that being a problem.
The real truth is, when I went to university I went there because I wanted to become smart, I was fed up not knowing enough. My son was being diagnosed with learning disabilities and I was unhappy sitting in rooms where people talked to me like I was an idiot. I believed if I went to university, it would stop (hahaha, so naive, it is cute).
I sat a foundation degree in Children, Parenting and Communities, and an Honours Degree in Health and Social Care, and came away with no idea where I would be going next, only knowing I was destined for more community support roles, and assumed i would be working as an adviser of some sort again, before my degree was through my door I had the blessing of a full womb, and when my little boy popped out, his empty womb was not vacant for long and at seven weeks old I fell pregnant with his little sister (I know, get a television, right?, only I would rather not because of all the social conditioning they use, which I was taught to use too, in my applied psychology modules, which keeps us in emotional patterns of behaviours, more about that another time though).
I decided that being at home, or at the beach, or the woods, would be the most beneficial thing for my little people, so I never thought about work for a while, and became the driver of the best goddamn pushchair experience on earth. Then it dawned on me, as they got a little older. I could set up alone to support people, I knew that was what I loved doing. You see, I had looked for jobs and found nothing in the paper or online, which said:
Job Role: Inspire the shit out of people, really listen to what they say, with the only agenda being-their potential and progress, and support them by lovingly helping them identify where they could make life easier and how they could become relaxed, with reduced stress, become goal setting, get rid of those fears, start understanding the power of their minds and live like the miracle they are.
Only it did not exist. But it does now, it is called Lisa Marie Life Coaching.
I sit in a room with people fishing for their opportunities, and their greatness, their beauty, and their skills and I highlight that. Many times we sit around people who fish for negativity, look for the down side to everything, and this is normal…I do the opposite, and it is amazing how much impact it has on a person, when you are fishing for their greatness.
I look for the perception, for the view that gets us through this, and then pushes us further. I get people to look at who they really are, not who they have lead themselves to believe they are. through an internal dialogue of thought patterns that has bullied the shit out of who they really are. Because that is what we do, with or without knowing, you have a thought pattern of destruction.
I DO NOT. (Well sometimes I do, but then I catch myself and say ‘Oooh, I think my thoughts got lost for a moment, but I am sure they were focused and creative a moment before’…then I chat to myself. Yes. My brain is my best friend, my thoughts are its fuel, and we drive together for great feelings and actions.
I was once so depressed I could not do much other than lay in a quilt. I was empty. I was lost. I was so freaking miserable, uninspired and attempting to dissociate myself from everything in the world and after a life on and off anti-depressants, of self harming and even suicide attempts, I found books, I found me, I found beauty, I found E.Q’s, I found Metaphsyics, I found Carl Jung, synchronicity & archetypes, I found Gestalt, I found NLP, I found Symbology, I found Affirmations, I found Self-Help authors, I found meditation, I found Epigenetics, I found my spirit, I found LIFE…
It took me two years of using what I call a top down approach (others have referred to it as brainwashing hahaha), of continually downloading new, happy, kinder thoughts into my mind, of constantly looking at things differently. I used brainwave states, affirmations, meditations to re-programme my thought patterns.
I transformed into a new way of being.
I transformed into a person who can see where another person says one thing, but thinks another, I show them where they are not in tune with themselves, I show them a real evaluation of their skill sets, because they deserve to see what someone who is only looking for the good in them, can see.
Why was my first year a little cruddy in places? Because after my degrees, and bringing up my children, I completed more learning, I did an EFT Diploma, a Symbology diploma, an Award in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as well as a Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner status. When I was with a client I was too text book, and not enough me, I used ‘steps’ instead of intuition. I do not and have not applied any of the ideas from these courses that use manipulation or trickery, like mirroring peoples body language to get ‘fake’ likes, or using suggestive language to make people agree with me. I am straight laced, I find those ways a little deceitful and ignore those teachings, if we are going to naturally get along then great, I am your person, if not, then someone else is. Plus I find it distracting, if you are focusing on copying a person, so they like you, then you are not paying attention to their needs and could miss very valuable information that could help free them from their own mind, and that is why they are sitting with you, for peace of mind, not just to get along.
Although most of these skills (apart from the cheating ones) are very, very valuable, and have great strategies, steps, patterns and models, when I became a Life Coach, I lost a little bit of me, I became a ‘professional’ (people will be laughing at that, who think Life Coaches are all quick tipped, two day training coursers or pseudo science holistic idiots, or wannabe counsellors). When I became a professional role, I was worried how to do/say/be in case I put people off, which is silly because the most attractive thing in anyone is genuineness.
The point is I believe that my life experience of falling very , very down in life, alongside a career that always wanted to help others, combined with all of my qualifications appointed at supporting people in the community, and my continuing professional development of self development knowledge that Life Coaching is for me.
And, why would I pick me?
Because I give a shit, I go home reading about how I can make your life better, I wake up during the night, going, ‘that is what I need to do’, and mentally rehearse in my mind, a visualisation or strategy, that I will take you through on our next session. I research your challenges, and what the best model of care taking them is, and I am a store house of knowledge and information, that I have remembered well, because I love learning, it never stops and i am currently undertaking more courses, I am serious about growing personally as well as professionally, I love helping people, I love feeling great and helping others feel great to. I am excited when you are excited, and I am eager for you to find yourself. I really enjoy other peoples leaps, breakthroughs, and self satisfaction and pride, and most of all, what you learn from me, is how to care take yourself, forever.
And I am good, I do a good job, I think fast, I challenge your perceptions and I show you how to make yourself feel good and worthy, because you should, and you are, and you can only do great things, coming from a great feeling place and i love my job, my work with you comes from a great place.
Some coaches do not have the training, the ’empathy’. the personal experience or the work experience to do a good job, but do not rule Life Coaching out, some of them are just as good as me 😉
Some of them are even better 🙂