On my Facebook business page I wrote this status:
“If you had a time machine, would you go back and relive the best day of your life or the most horrific?
I am guessing it would be the first not the latter.
Only when you dwell upon past events in your mind you bring into the physical reality the same response, of course if you do this a lot you become desensitised and disassociate yourself from it. You become numb. Reliving horrible memories is like time travelling back to the event and and reliving it to torture yourself.
In comparison to the most beautiful time in your life, how many times have you revisited this? Re-associated yourself with it, turned the colour and sound up on the movie to give yourself a front view cinema seat of the magic happening and brought yourself into alignment physically with pure joy?
Of course, that would be mad right? Totally involving yourself in happiness instead of punishment….silly me and my ideas.
Who wants a relaxed body which runs oxygen around your blood perfectly allowing every organ to function as it should when we could be tense, uptight and cut off our oxygen flow and have our organs gasping for breath.
I know, I know.
Whatever you do today, don’t jump into a memory time travel machine which could be of benefit you. Jump in one that cannot.”
I often use sarcasm to highlight our bizarre thought patterns. And I received a comment which said:
“Unfortunately I’m always stuck in the past and I’m struggling to move on xx”
I felt this response needed more than a generic reply of, you can do it, things will get better, hang on in there, just read this or that etc
The reason I became a coach is because I have been down low and really struggled and managed to glide myself out of it with Effortless Effort. So I gave this fabulous woman who has been to a few of my Mandala Therapy workshops, the reply she deserved, a decent response.
“Our mind can certainly give us a good going over. I cannot relate entirely to whatever your mind does to torment you, as we are all unique with our self torture (although we often all have themes), the above post is just one of the ‘cognitive distortions’ that many of us do, constantly reliving the past, another common one is predicting awful future events, or the blame ourselves vs blame them game, most of us are guilty of a lot of these distortions.
The way I freed myself from this was by filling my mind with other things, I grabbed myself together a ‘tool-bag of change’, constantly writing affirmations, having them on my wall, in the days before I made affirmation mind movie videos, I created power-point slides and clicked them myself everyday. I would listen to guided meditations to fall asleep, and brainwave bineural beats with positive suggestions with headphones when I had spare time.
I had three tracks I played every morning after waking myself up with a gratitude list, starting with wiggling my toes;
‘I am grateful for my toes, grateful for my feet, grateful for my bed’ etc I would make sure I was grateful for at least twenty things.
Then I would play the three songs;
Shine- Take That
Spice up your life- Spice girls
Reach for the Stars: S Club Seven.
I know right- how cheesy, however they were utterly positive, and this is why I played them.
I also watched ‘the secret to you’ which is a lovely affirmation video by ‘the secret’, I started out by watching this three times a day.
If I became anxious in the evening I would play a song called ‘Hayling’ by FC Kahuna, and the lyrics where;
‘Don’t think about all those things you fear
Just be glad to be here’ on repeat to a beautiful mellow piano and chilled beat.
I learnt how to focus on the pretty everywhere I went, I replayed nice memories in my head.
Every time I left a conversation, because I would have anxiety about them later- thinking, what did I say? What did I do?
I had attached my anxiety to social gatherings, even though I had friends and enjoyed their company, later in the evening I would start to become anxious, then need to rationalise it, and look for the moment in the day, the conversation, where I had imaginary offended everyone in the world, to place this anxiety. This is a ‘cognitive distortion’ called ‘magnifying’. i would even apologise to people the next day, and they would be completely bewildered lol
I may not understand fully your mind set, but I have certainly lived a problematic one myself and managed to entirely overcome it, I am never anxious, although I still get stressed if I am overwhelmed, and can get a cold if I have to much stuff going on which is hard for me to deal with, but my mind set is strong and I do not torture myself with thoughts of the past, ever.
It took me about 3-6 months using my methods to cheer myself up, about a year to become optimistic and braver with my goals and two years before I would say I totally freed myself from my limiting mindset.
Today, I still use art therapy, affirmations daily, I focus on the beauty around me, and do everything I did to get here, just not as intensely.
To alter how you think, you have to put massive effort in, but the effort you put in, is enjoyable and effortless, if that makes sense. It is effortless consistent effort.
I have met you and find you humorous, beautiful and very intelligent. If you could only see yourself as others do, and let yourself of the hook for whatever you feel you cannot. I think you would not only amaze yourself, but go way past that, and you truly deserve to.
We all have problematic thought patterns to a degree, but when we recognise them, put in steps to alter them, and constantly focus upon changing them and freeing ourselves, then we can and will.
Once you move towards resolving this, you will, books, words of wisdom, signs from around us, people who can teach us, everything falls into place when we are ready, and we get where we want to go.
Belief is everything, so start there Xx
Hope this was not too long, but I hate not answering fully, and when it comes thoughts and mindset changes, there is a lot to learn, but it is really quite simple: when you play tetris all day, you fall asleep playing it in your head, so what you put in your head constantly, swims around like a bad song on a loop, so start filling it with what you want to think about, and that is when everything miraculously becomes better.
I want to be open, transparent and real, I want people to shine, and to do that I want them to put in the Effortless Effort that I did consistently 🙂