I have this little thing I do, if I am having communication problems with a member of my family.
Lets be honest we all have times when we are struggling with one of our children or our partner.
When I understand that there is a communication issue, and that we are not connecting as well as we were or I would like us to, then I hug them in their sleep or watch them sleep.
Now, why would I do that?
Remember when your child was just a tiny baby who had screamed all day and drove you mad, your laundry pile was taller than your house, and baby stuff was just everywhere, yet when they napped in your arms, none of it mattered. You just watched them in peace and nothing could irratate you for that moment, not a thing.
When we watch people we love sleep, it is like we are being magically transformed to a place of forgiveness, we let go of their grumps, their bad attitutes and expectancies of us.
All of a sudden we see them in a gentler way, in a vulnerable place, where the urge is to cover them up with their blanket and make sure they are warm enough, or to stroke their hair etc The position we hold becomes one of care, of love, of protection.
As usual the ideas you get from me are not always the norm, but it can be hard to realign yourself with a person who is always getting on your nerves, so try connecting to them when the chances of them annoying you is very slim, and the urge for you to love them so much more is renewed.
Of course this is hard to do with teenagers, and you have to put in effort to join them doing things they love, so you can enjoy who they are when they are not feeling pressured by the world or their home, or you.
Life is full of to do lists and difficulties, and along the way, those closest to us get our inner most frustrations blasted at them for the smallest of things, I do it, you do it, they do it.
It is important to remember that what you really want is to love the people around you and not resent them, and we can only do this if we actively seek moments to feel in love with our loved ones instead of focusing on where our challenges lie.
Again, this is not me saying forgive the unforgivable or do not try to solve problems, this is me saying, we all get wound up and take it out on others when we should not of, but this is what we do.
So as well as noticing someone snapping your head off for buying the wrong butter, maybe realsie last week you snapped their head off for buying the wrong bread, and none of it had to do with getting back at each other, or bread or butter, but it was a verbal lash out because that person was exhausted, fed up and on a low battery.
To preserve their battery they tried to push you away for a moement or to get your attention, to recharge them, but went in a really shit way about doing it.
Our little people also have feelings, frustrations and moments of high intensity in which they have their own little melt downs, and being around a tantrum child can be tiring and we can get this view of them which is unreal.
They had three big tantrums in one day, which each lasted five-ten minutes. This is thirty minutes our of twelve hours. They are not high maintenance, you are focusing on only the most overwhelming parts of the day.
Watch them sleep, realign with their angel within, and may I add, align with your own.