‘I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain’
Okay, okay, hands up I admit it, I like complaining, in fact, I sometimes love it, and as a practitioner of Neuro Linguistic, Programming with a good understanding of how our minds work, ‘what fires together, wires together’, ‘what we pay attention to we get more of’ (literally!). Then why would I, as we call it ‘tempt fate’, with my often ranting sessions?
Also understanding what some call the law of attraction, or what Carl Jung referred to as synchronicity and divinity, it troubles me that I still, all knowingly, ‘go off on one’, that I often point out the consequences of my children’s actions to them, in a sarcastic, ‘you see what will happen’, kind of way, as if I am sealing some kind of ‘wanting’ or ‘desiring’ for more of this in my life.
You see, complaining may feel good in the moment, it really may, but is that little bit of ranty relief really worth the chance of more?
So if I know that when I rant, when I vent, when I complain, and when I relish and fulfil this complainer within me, my subconscious mind is taking notes, ‘Oh, she likes this, pay attention to this, show her more of this, watch out for this, take note of this’,
I often call it the ‘subconscious shopping list’, that what we pay attention to, especially in any high emotion, it writes down, and it looks for, so to speak.
So, how the heck do we flip such a way of being, and direct it differently?
We turn the negatives into positives and we rant about what we want to happen instead, this way we may still be complaining but, in a better way.
‘Stop doing that, or you will fall and get hurt, I said get down or you could fall, okay then, don’t come crying to me when you do fall down’, sound like anyone you know? I honestly hope it is not just me.
So what we will say instead is ‘I would like you to get down from there safely, and I want your feet on stable ground, thank you, mummy likes you to be safe’.
You see, a child’s subconscious mind takes dictation literally, even more so than an adults, because it is still learning our silly linguistic ways, our sarcasm, our phrases and our back to front orders. Yet even with an adult you will get better responses by being clear, instead of saying, ‘don’t do this’, it is much easier for all to say, ‘please do this’, because the ‘don’t do this’, is a double order, so the clearest order is the one the brain takes initially, so it will do; the don’t, our brains want to comply believe it or not.
So how about when you are all cross and ranting out about whatever irritation has gotten your attention, you complain in a way that allows your attention to still focus on what you would rather have in life.
Instead of ‘I cannot believe he left his clothes on the floor, when I just cleared the bathroom out, and I cannot believe that the kids have played with another frickin’ toilet roll, I have just left this bloomin’ room, do they like time me, so when I leave they go in and trash it, I mean seriously’…again, really hoping this is not just me
So instead we pick up the clothes and we clean up the toilet roll and we say, in our ranty little love to complain way, ‘I wish that I would find this room as clean as I leave it and that people would take their clothes downstairs, and that my children respected that toilet roll is bought often, and to be used for their butts and noses only’…
So what is the difference and how could this help?
The way your brain works, that ‘subconscious shopping list’, may well decide randomly to teach the children about how toilet roll is made, how much it costs, not only to your purse but the environment, it may also thank those people in the house when they put stuff directly in the laundry (which I am sure they sometimes do, only those moments we give no attention too?)
Your subconscious mind is always taking notes, so it can show you the world it ‘thinks’ you want to see, the world that you decide to pay attention to, is on your list of familiarity, and unless you flip the script, well, simply you are just staying in the same old story.
Your mind is your friend, it is a beautiful organ, waiting to be played correctly, give it a chance to amaze you.